Am I Insecure?

"Insecurity" comes when there is conflict between your thinking and happenning. It happened to me and there came something in my mind that led to me to think that Am I insecure?? Might be I am right but I myself differ from my thought.Something comes from heart something else says my mind it is all because of what happened in the past. Every moment I feel insecurity just because of my dark past. Well that is not of much importance as I want to take lessons from my past so I would try my best to go slowly and would be over conscious in this regard.
I think all the people are not of one kind. I beleive her that she wont be joining that kind of groups atleast for the sake of god. Are all girl are same? Of course NOT, as my mother is also a mother and I think she is definitely different from others. So far I have seen talked to her it seems to me she is just fine to be a friend but I wont call her a friend until I brood more about this topic. After all what I know about her? Nothing but these days why I am getting so kind of feelings of a loser? ONe day I will show this world that I am not a loser I am not a loser. My past that is written in a firmly fixed rock that cant be moved from it place always tug my heart strings not to go far in this matter. Well everything will be fine once she understands me too but I hope it will take some more time to know each other.Its her exams starting from today and I think she is not gonna come and that is very fine for me as if she comes I feel insecure.
I never wanted to talk to her but everything it happens with me the person whom I never thought to be with , she/he turns to be my close person. I am still scared of coming closer to her to know about her as she doesnt understand what I say.She doesnt know whats going behind the scene. Once she understands she wil be a good for me and for her too.I wish her all the best of her exams.I need wish for myself too. This is not the first time I am talking with someone but she is really different and her sense of humour is great like someone I dont want to mention it. I like her humor as she is not a typical indian girl but she knows what is right and wrong for her. one day I will tell her ........ "WHY I AM STILL NOT HER FRIEND YET".
I have many works today so I am not going today to her sister as I will tell her to work alone and we will do together later.